Happy Belated Boxing Day peeps! How did everyone got through their Christmas holiday? All still have their limps intact? Got this through an email, just throught I’d share this interesting information with you people.

+Some stuff on the men+

1) 94% of men lie about their dick size. According to condom manufacturers, only 6% of men need to use extra large condoms.

2) The average man is 4-5 inches long when erect; no matter what you have heard ladies, that’s the truth. Incidentally the average vaginal capacity is only 6 inches, for you women who think you can handle king dong.

3) 80% of American men are circumcise, though Pediatrics say it is not necessary.

4) No matter what all the ads say nothing but time can make your penis grow. (most men reach the end of their growth by the early 20’s)

5) There is no correlation between penis size and shoe size, hand size, or nose size. (more…)

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said, “My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610″

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Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

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Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

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Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I’ll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I’ll also stay with your sister.

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Ah Beng : People consider me as a “GOD”
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again.

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Ah Beng complained to the police: “Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.”
Police: “How the thief did not take TV?”
Ah Beng : “I was watching TV news…”

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Ah Beng  comes back 2 his car & find a note saying “Parking Fine”
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole “Thanks for complement.”

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How do you recognize Ah Beng  in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

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Once  Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

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Ah Beng  in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says “Hello, how did you know I was here?”

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Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng  - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

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Teacher: “I killed a person” convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is “u will go to jail”

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Ah Beng told his servant: “Go and water the plants!”
Servant: “It’s already raining.”
Ah Beng : “So what? Take an umbrella and go.”

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A man asked Ah Beng  why  Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning

Ah Beng replied  Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM

Sunday joke, if you can’t take it then leave immediately. TYVM.

• We like to keep Mass interesting. We sit, stand and kneel, in no particular order. Probably just to keep the blood flowing.

• It’s not merlot or syrah they’re serving; it’s the Flesh and Blood of Jesus. No, really.

• Forget a big meal afterwards, just pick up some of the breakfast tacos they’re always selling after Mass

• Purgatory.

• We all have 20 cousins. On each side of the family.

• Infant Baptism isn’t dumb; it’s after-life insurance.

• $5.00 in the collection basket is the epitome of generosity. Anything more than that, someone has hit the lottery.

• A missal is a book, not a weapon. However, it has been known to pull double duty.

• The signs we make aren’t just a mark of respect, they’re a lot of fun to do.

• Every Catholic Guy tries to sit next the really hot girl they like at Mass. This is because they really want to hug during “Peace Be With You” and hold hands for the “Our Father”

• We really like statues. A lot.

• After every confession, everyone hits themselves on the head. This is because they have realized that they forgot that really big sin, and they know that it’ll hang over their head til the next time.

• Contraceptives? Why?

• Altar boys continue well into their twenties.

• The 14 Stations has nothing to do with TV.

• “Peace Be With You” is just a way to meet pretty girls.

• We’ve always been taught that celibacy til marriage is the only way to go, forever and ever, amen. That being said…

• “Sin on Saturday. Pray on Sunday. Confess on Monday”.

• The Mass doesn’t start for a few minutes not because of tardy parisihioners. It’s because the priest is running late.

• The Virgin Mary is not a God and we don’t treat her as such. But she is without sin, gave birth to Jesus and did it without having sex. That warrants more than a little respect.

• 11:00 a.m. Mass means 11:15.

• We actually get all the jokes in Dogma.

• There are two very different, irreconcilable factions in every single church in the world. They are known as the Saturday or Sunday Mass bunch.

• Bake Sales are a way of life.

• Your knees are more calloused than your feet.

• Priests have been giving us alcohol since we were little kids. No wonder any one of us can drink Protestants under the table.

• Mass is nearly unchanged after almost 2000 years. We’re a little stubborn.

• Catholic School Girls.

• Whatever you gave up for Lent, you have it in your hands at 11:59 p.m. Saturday night, counting the seconds til midnight.

• You either love or hate the Stations of the Cross. There is no middle ground.

• We all know Da Vinci code is bogus and inaccurate. Yet we’ll still read it if nothing else is goin on.

• We have Midnight Mass so there are no interruptions on Christmas morning

• You’ve slipped out an Amen after the Pledge of Allegiance.

• Holy Water can kill just about anything. So Protestants are pretty much screwed if a vampire comes calling.

• There’s no way to explain it, but Catholic girls are just scorching hot.

• There’s no need for impromptu prayer; you can always fall back on the Rosary or the Our Father.

• It’s not uncommon for just one family to take up an entire pew or two.

• Confession. Enough said.

• When in doubt, say a Hail Mary.

• Whenever anyone in Star Wars saga says “May the Force Be With You”, we get the urge to say “And Also With You”

• If you see a guy leaning forward, looking half-dead with his head on the pew in front of him… he’s not praying. He’s hungover and was guilted into coming to Mass anyway.

• Even though you never met her or been to a country she’s been in, you’re still willing to have “seen” a miracle by Mother Teresa.

• We’re the oldest Christian religion. Period.

If you appreciated, chuckled or even smiled at some of these, you’re not a wacko. You’re just probably a member of the one of the oldest and largest religions in the world.

How many of you would dare to wear the following T-shirts and go out and about town?

(more…)

Got some of these images over the email. Just thought of sharing it here.

How do you know when a Christian is driving too fast?

Have a blessed weekend.