The Love Dress
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son’s house.
She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
‘What are you doing?’ she asked.
‘I’m waiting for Justin to come home from work.’ The daughter-in-law answered.
‘But you’re naked!’ the mother-in-law exclaimed.
‘This is my love dress,’ the daughter-in-law explained.
‘Love dress? But you’re naked!’
‘Justin loves me to wear this dress,’ she explained.
‘Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours.’
The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
‘What are you doing?’ he asked.
‘This is my love dress,’ she whispered, sensually.
‘Needs ironing,’ he said, ‘What’s for dinner?’
Wive’s Night Out
Two women friends had gone for a girl’s night out; both were very faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on The Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk & walking home, they needed to pee. So they stopped at the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with it.
After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.
The next day, one woman’s husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, ‘These damn girls’ night outs have got to stop. I’m starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties.’
‘You think that’s bad’ said the other husband, ‘Mine is lying in bed with a card stuck in her bum that says:
‘From all of us at the Fire Station. We’ll Never forget you.’
Naughty Thursday Jokes
Enjoy, have a good laugh but try not to scare your neighbour yah? 
Q: Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!
Signboard outside a prostitute’s house:
Married MEN not allowed.. We serve the needy, not the greedy.
New AIDS awareness slogan:
Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.
Why is sex like shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today. tomorrow you’ll have to do it again.
Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.
Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.
(more…)
Funny Tuesday
Sometimes, the best thing to do is to have a good laugh to keep you going throughout the day. Here’s something to laugh about.
To make it straight, she pulls it.
To make it stand, she rubs it.
To make it stiff, she put it in her mouth to work on it.
It is a hell of a job threading a needle!!!
A guy donated blood to his girlfriend. When they broke up, he wanted his blood back. The girl threw a bloody sanitary box at him at him and
said, ‘I’ll pay you in monthly installment.’ (more…)
The Person In Charge is…
This is quite an old one that has been in circulation for quite a while now…
All the organs of the body were having a meeting,
Trying to decide who was the one in charge.
‘I should be in charge,’ said the brain,
‘Because I run all the body’s systems, so without me nothing would happen.’
‘I should be in charge,’ said the blood ,
‘because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you’d all waste away .’
‘I should be in charge,’ said the stomach ,
‘because I process food and give all of you energy.’
‘I should be in charge,’ said the legs,
‘because I carry the body wherever it needs to go.’
‘I should be in charge,’ said the eyes,
‘Because I allow the body to see where it goes.’ (more…)
Jokes for the Bored…
It’s another day in the office, yes no more monday blues but I bet you’re constantly checking your watch to see how long more it’ll be before the weekend comes about right? Why not entertain yourself with some of these.
Boss: Where were you born?
Mat: Malaysia ..
Boss: which part?
Mat: What ‘which part’? Whole body was born in Malaysia.
2 Terrorists were fixing a bomb in a car.
Terror 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Terror 2: Dont worry, I have one more.
(more…)
Just for laughs
I get quite a lot of funny emails daily from friends that seems to have as much free time as I do and this is one of those that’ll tickle the funny bones when you need a good laugh.
Husband asks , ‘Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
Without Information Fighting Everytime’
Wife replies,’ No, It means, With Idiot For Ever!!!’
f u n n y ?
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says ‘If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends’
f u n n y ?
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
f u n n y ?
What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.
Some Cow Jokes for 2009
It’s 2009 and it’s the year of the Ox. So here’s some Ox related jokes that I received from my friends. 
TRADITIONAL CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called ‘Cowkimon’ and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. (more…)
Why Sex?
Happy Belated Boxing Day peeps! How did everyone got through their Christmas holiday? All still have their limps intact? Got this through an email, just throught I’d share this interesting information with you people.
+Some stuff on the men+
1) 94% of men lie about their dick size. According to condom manufacturers, only 6% of men need to use extra large condoms.
2) The average man is 4-5 inches long when erect; no matter what you have heard ladies, that’s the truth. Incidentally the average vaginal capacity is only 6 inches, for you women who think you can handle king dong.
3) 80% of American men are circumcise, though Pediatrics say it is not necessary.
4) No matter what all the ads say nothing but time can make your penis grow. (most men reach the end of their growth by the early 20’s)
5) There is no correlation between penis size and shoe size, hand size, or nose size. (more…)
Some new Ah Beng jokes
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said, “My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610″
====================================
Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.
====================================
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
====================================
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I’ll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I’ll also stay with your sister.
====================================
Ah Beng : People consider me as a “GOD”
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again.
====================================
Ah Beng complained to the police: “Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.”
Police: “How the thief did not take TV?”
Ah Beng : “I was watching TV news…”
====================================
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying “Parking Fine”
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole “Thanks for complement.”
====================================
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
====================================
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
====================================
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says “Hello, how did you know I was here?”
====================================
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man – This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng – If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
====================================
Teacher: “I killed a person” convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is “u will go to jail”
====================================
Ah Beng told his servant: “Go and water the plants!”
Servant: “It’s already raining.”
Ah Beng : “So what? Take an umbrella and go.”
====================================
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning
Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM
| 3.0 |
Reason why people think Catholics are crazy
Sunday joke, if you can’t take it then leave immediately. TYVM.
- We like to keep Mass interesting. We sit, stand and kneel, in no particular order. Probably just to keep the blood flowing.
- It’s not merlot or syrah they’re serving; it’s the Flesh and Blood of Jesus. No, really.
- Forget a big meal afterwards, just pick up some of the breakfast tacos they’re always selling after Mass
- Purgatory.
- We all have 20 cousins. On each side of the family.
- Infant Baptism isn’t dumb; it’s after-life insurance.
- $5.00 in the collection basket is the epitome of generosity. Anything more than that, someone has hit the lottery.
- A missal is a book, not a weapon. However, it has been known to pull double duty.
- The signs we make aren’t just a mark of respect, they’re a lot of fun to do.
- Every Catholic Guy tries to sit next the really hot girl they like at Mass. This is because they really want to hug during “Peace Be With You” and hold hands for the “Our Father”
- We really like statues. A lot.
- After every confession, everyone hits themselves on the head. This is because they have realized that they forgot that really big sin, and they know that it’ll hang over their head til the next time.
- Contraceptives? Why?
- Altar boys continue well into their twenties.
- The 14 Stations has nothing to do with TV.
- “Peace Be With You” is just a way to meet pretty girls.
- We’ve always been taught that celibacy til marriage is the only way to go, forever and ever, amen. That being said…
- “Sin on Saturday. Pray on Sunday. Confess on Monday”.
- The Mass doesn’t start for a few minutes not because of tardy parisihioners. It’s because the priest is running late.
- The Virgin Mary is not a God and we don’t treat her as such. But she is without sin, gave birth to Jesus and did it without having sex. That warrants more than a little respect.
- 11:00 a.m. Mass means 11:15.
- We actually get all the jokes in Dogma.
- There are two very different, irreconcilable factions in every single church in the world. They are known as the Saturday or Sunday Mass bunch.
- Bake Sales are a way of life.
- Your knees are more calloused than your feet.
- Priests have been giving us alcohol since we were little kids. No wonder any one of us can drink Protestants under the table.
- Mass is nearly unchanged after almost 2000 years. We’re a little stubborn.
- Catholic School Girls.
- Whatever you gave up for Lent, you have it in your hands at 11:59 p.m. Saturday night, counting the seconds til midnight.
- You either love or hate the Stations of the Cross. There is no middle ground.
- We all know Da Vinci code is bogus and inaccurate. Yet we’ll still read it if nothing else is goin on.
- We have Midnight Mass so there are no interruptions on Christmas morning
- You’ve slipped out an Amen after the Pledge of Allegiance.
- Holy Water can kill just about anything. So Protestants are pretty much screwed if a vampire comes calling.
- There’s no way to explain it, but Catholic girls are just scorching hot.
- There’s no need for impromptu prayer; you can always fall back on the Rosary or the Our Father.
- It’s not uncommon for just one family to take up an entire pew or two.
- Confession. Enough said.
- When in doubt, say a Hail Mary.
- Whenever anyone in Star Wars saga says “May the Force Be With You”, we get the urge to say “And Also With You”
- If you see a guy leaning forward, looking half-dead with his head on the pew in front of him… he’s not praying. He’s hungover and was guilted into coming to Mass anyway.
- Even though you never met her or been to a country she’s been in, you’re still willing to have “seen” a miracle by Mother Teresa.
- We’re the oldest Christian religion. Period.
If you appreciated, chuckled or even smiled at some of these, you’re not a wacko. You’re just probably a member of the one of the oldest and largest religions in the world.
| 3.0 |
T-Shirts – Would you wear them?
How many of you would dare to wear the following T-shirts and go out and about town?
Christian Funnies
Got some of these images over the email. Just thought of sharing it here.
How do you know when a Christian is driving too fast?
Have a blessed weekend.
| 2.9 |
