Where To Cross The Border?
If You Cross The North Korean Border Illegally
You get 12 years Hard Labour.
If You Cross The Iranian Border Illegally
You Are Detained Indefinitely.
If You Cross The Afghan Border Illegally,
You Get Shot.
If You Cross The Saudi Arabian Border Illegally
You Will Be Jailed.
If You Cross The Chinese Border Illegally
You May Never Be Heard Again. (more…)
Cock Story
A farmer rears 25 young hens and 1 old cock.
As the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.
Old cock: “Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.”
Young cock: “What do you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should retire.”
Old cock: “Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can’t I help you with some?”
Young cock: “No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.”
Old cock: “In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win, you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.”
Young cock: “Ok! What kind of competition?” (more…)
I e-meow you, you e-meow me
Dear Ah Lian
Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find.
You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.
You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok.
Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.
Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.
I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me.. Goo bye…..
Worm regard,
Ah Beng
Urgent Request!
Whoever forgot his wife at my place after last night’s party, please come and collect her ASAP! It is not that she embarrasses me, but mine’s coming back tonight!
JOKING!!! JOKING!! :p
Don’t lie to kids
There was this guy sunbathing in the nude at the beach.
Well, this little girl comes up to him, so he covers his private parts with a newspaper.
The little girl says, ‘What’s under there?’ The man answers, ‘A bird.’
The girl goes away and the man falls asleep.
When he wakes up, he is in a hospital and in great pain.
A doctor comes up to his bed and asks, ‘What happened?’
The man answers, ‘I don’t know.
I was at the beach and I fell asleep after talking to a little girl.’
So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they go to the beach to find any witnesses.
When they get there, they see the little girl the man was talking about.
So they ask her if she did anything to the man.
She answers, ‘ I didn’t do anything to the man, but while he was sleeping, I played with his bird.
After a while, it spit at me, so I broke its neck, burned its nest, and smashed all its eggs!’
Ah Beng’s Guide to Wine Tasting
Wine: Pinot Noir(France)
Label: Joseph Drouhin Laforet, Bourgogne
Color: Red
How ATAS people describe it: The hue has a brilliant ruby-garnet color. The nose offers effusive aromas of crushed berries. (On the palate, the wine is full of charm and very pleasant to drink); fresh and fruity berry flavors with light and elegant tannins.
The Ah Beng Way: This one red-red coror one, smell and taste like Ribena like dat. (more…)
Punjabi Mathematics
Punjabi woman says to her mother:
‘I’m divorcing Kuldip… all he wants is anal sex and my asshole is now the size of a 50 cent coin when it used to be the size of a 5 cent coin.’
Mother responds:
‘You’re married to a millionaire lawyer …
you live in an 8 bedroom mansion in Taman Tun….
you drive a Mercedes …
you get RM10,000 a week allowance …
you take 6 vacations a year …..
……….and you want to throw all that away for 45 cents?’
Pre-takeoff Announcement on a China Southern Airlines Flight
This is a true account of what was heard on a recent flight from Shenzhen to Qingtao by China Southern Airlines:
“Good afternoon, Ladies and the German.
This is your cheap purser Wang Lui speaking. On behalf of China Sudden Airlines, I would like to welcome you on board our Bowling 737 from Shenzhen to Qingtao.
Members of my crew speak Chinese and other languages that you do not know. It is a great pressure serving you to-die. (more…)
DEAF WIFE…..
A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
“Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.” (more…)
How Man can Make a Woman Happy
It’s not difficult to make a woman happy.
A man only needs to be: (more…)
How Ah Lian performs at Interview
Ah Hua went for a job interview to be a secretary.
When the manager saw Ah Hua’s colorful attire and gold, white-highlighted hair, his mind is screaming, ‘NOT THIS WOMAN!!!’. so chekai, Nevertheless, he still had to interview Ah Hua.
So he told Ah Hua,’If you can form a sentence using the words that I give you, then I will give you a chance! The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE , PURPLE and BLACK.’
Ah Hua thought for a while and said, ‘I hear the phone GREEN , GREEN , GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW….. BLUE’s that? WHITE did you say?
Aiyah, wrong numberlah…..Don’t PURPLELY disturb people and don’t call BLACK, ok? Kum Siah.
The manager fainted….
Dynamite, Baby, YEAH!!
The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says,
‘What a Great chest you have!’
He tells her, ‘That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.’
He takes off his pants and the blonde says,‘What massive calves you have!’
The body builder tells her, ‘That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.’
He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. (more…)
Lawyer Joke
It’s the weekend, it’s all fun and games and to most of you, time to party!, here’s some jokes to share with those of you who’s just waking up, getting ready for Hennessy Artistry or whichever party you’re going to.
Abdul grew up in Kota Baru, a town located on the East Coast of Malaysia, and then moved away to Kuala Lumpur to do his law degree in order to fill up the Bumiputera quota. He decided to come back to Kota Baru, because he could be a big man and really wanted to impress everyone.. So he returned and opened his new law office.
The first day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door Abdul picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking.. (more…)
Best divorce letter !!
The best damn Divorce letter I’ve ever read….
Dear Husband,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever.
I’ve been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk panties. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your shows.
You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-wife
P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to Spain together! Have a great life!
.
You must be thinking that that was the best divorce letter that I’m talking about right? You’re dead wrong, read the one below! LOL (more…)
How To Get Ready For Work In 5min
How to get ready for work from waking up to out of house in 5 min? Don’t know? Let this guy show you.
Willing to give this a try?
Would You Love This Type Of ATM Machine?
Check out this Jinnai Tomonori skit, what if you come across an ATM Machine that acts this way?
Great ATM machine eh? I’m sure you have a great laugh
Working Late
I know a lot of people out there are working doubly hard due to the hard times. BUT, what if this happens in your work environment?
Moral of the story: In these days of cost cutting, leave office early!!
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Pregnancy Joke
Just thought of posting something up for laughs, this is quite an old one I received in the email.
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, ‘who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!’
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: ‘Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation but I’ll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?’
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him, ‘You try again.’
| 3.0 |
