Pre-takeoff Announcement on a China Southern Airlines Flight

This is a true account of what was heard on a recent flight from Shenzhen to Qingtao by China Southern Airlines:

“Good afternoon, Ladies and the German.

This is your cheap purser Wang Lui speaking. On behalf of China Sudden Airlines, I would like to welcome you on board our Bowling 737 from Shenzhen to Qingtao.

Members of my crew speak Chinese and other languages that you do not know. It is a great pressure serving you to-die. (more…)

How Ah Lian performs at Interview

Ah Hua went for a job interview to be a secretary.

When the manager saw Ah Hua’s colorful attire and gold, white-highlighted hair, his mind is screaming, ‘NOT THIS WOMAN!!!’. so chekai, Nevertheless, he still had to interview Ah Hua.

So he told Ah Hua,’If you can form a sentence using the words that I give you, then I will give you a chance! The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE , PURPLE and BLACK.’

Ah Hua thought for a while and said, ‘I hear the phone GREEN , GREEN , GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW….. BLUE’s that? WHITE did you say?

Aiyah, wrong numberlah…..Don’t PURPLELY disturb people and don’t call BLACK, ok? Kum Siah.

The manager fainted….

Funny Tuesday

Sometimes, the best thing to do is to have a good laugh to keep you going throughout the day. Here’s something to laugh about.

To make it straight, she pulls it.
To make it stand, she rubs it.
To make it stiff, she put it in her mouth to work on it.
It is a hell of a job threading a needle!!!

A guy donated blood to his girlfriend. When they broke up, he wanted his blood back. The girl threw a bloody sanitary box at him at him and
said, ‘I’ll pay you in monthly installment.’ (more…)

Best divorce letter !!

The best damn Divorce letter I’ve ever read….

Dear Husband,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever.

I’ve been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me  that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had a new haircut,  had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk panties. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your shows.

You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-wife

P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to Spain together! Have a great life!

.

You must be thinking that that was the best divorce letter that I’m talking about right? You’re dead wrong, read the one below! LOL (more…)