Where To Cross The Border?
If You Cross The North Korean Border Illegally
You get 12 years Hard Labour.
If You Cross The Iranian Border Illegally
You Are Detained Indefinitely.
If You Cross The Afghan Border Illegally,
You Get Shot.
If You Cross The Saudi Arabian Border Illegally
You Will Be Jailed.
If You Cross The Chinese Border Illegally
You May Never Be Heard Again. (more…)
Cock Story
A farmer rears 25 young hens and 1 old cock.
As the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.
Old cock: “Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.”
Young cock: “What do you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should retire.”
Old cock: “Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can’t I help you with some?”
Young cock: “No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.”
Old cock: “In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win, you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.”
Young cock: “Ok! What kind of competition?” (more…)
Wive’s Night Out
Two women friends had gone for a girl’s night out; both were very faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on The Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk & walking home, they needed to pee. So they stopped at the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with it.
After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.
The next day, one woman’s husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, ‘These damn girls’ night outs have got to stop. I’m starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties.’
‘You think that’s bad’ said the other husband, ‘Mine is lying in bed with a card stuck in her bum that says:
‘From all of us at the Fire Station. We’ll Never forget you.’
DEAF WIFE…..
A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
“Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.” (more…)
How Ah Lian performs at Interview
Ah Hua went for a job interview to be a secretary.
When the manager saw Ah Hua’s colorful attire and gold, white-highlighted hair, his mind is screaming, ‘NOT THIS WOMAN!!!’. so chekai, Nevertheless, he still had to interview Ah Hua.
So he told Ah Hua,’If you can form a sentence using the words that I give you, then I will give you a chance! The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE , PURPLE and BLACK.’
Ah Hua thought for a while and said, ‘I hear the phone GREEN , GREEN , GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW….. BLUE’s that? WHITE did you say?
Aiyah, wrong numberlah…..Don’t PURPLELY disturb people and don’t call BLACK, ok? Kum Siah.
The manager fainted….
Funny Tuesday
Sometimes, the best thing to do is to have a good laugh to keep you going throughout the day. Here’s something to laugh about.
To make it straight, she pulls it.
To make it stand, she rubs it.
To make it stiff, she put it in her mouth to work on it.
It is a hell of a job threading a needle!!!
A guy donated blood to his girlfriend. When they broke up, he wanted his blood back. The girl threw a bloody sanitary box at him at him and
said, ‘I’ll pay you in monthly installment.’ (more…)
Dynamite, Baby, YEAH!!
The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says,
‘What a Great chest you have!’
He tells her, ‘That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.’
He takes off his pants and the blonde says,‘What massive calves you have!’
The body builder tells her, ‘That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.’
He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. (more…)
Lawyer Joke
It’s the weekend, it’s all fun and games and to most of you, time to party!, here’s some jokes to share with those of you who’s just waking up, getting ready for Hennessy Artistry or whichever party you’re going to.
Abdul grew up in Kota Baru, a town located on the East Coast of Malaysia, and then moved away to Kuala Lumpur to do his law degree in order to fill up the Bumiputera quota. He decided to come back to Kota Baru, because he could be a big man and really wanted to impress everyone.. So he returned and opened his new law office.
The first day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door Abdul picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking.. (more…)
10 husband but still virgin
It’s Sunday, heard a very good news of Man Utd sticking around in Malaysia for a tad longer due to the Jakarta Bombing. I’m not saying the bombing is good but it did helped in getting Man Utd to stick around Malaysia a tad longer and allowing me the chance to go watch them.
Anyway, since it’s a great Sunday, going to share with you another classic email funnies.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom.
“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?” (more…)
The Person In Charge is…
This is quite an old one that has been in circulation for quite a while now…
All the organs of the body were having a meeting,
Trying to decide who was the one in charge.
‘I should be in charge,’ said the brain,
‘Because I run all the body’s systems, so without me nothing would happen.’
‘I should be in charge,’ said the blood ,
‘because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you’d all waste away .’
‘I should be in charge,’ said the stomach ,
‘because I process food and give all of you energy.’
‘I should be in charge,’ said the legs,
‘because I carry the body wherever it needs to go.’
‘I should be in charge,’ said the eyes,
‘Because I allow the body to see where it goes.’ (more…)
Best divorce letter !!
The best damn Divorce letter I’ve ever read….
Dear Husband,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever.
I’ve been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk panties. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your shows.
You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-wife
P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to Spain together! Have a great life!
.
You must be thinking that that was the best divorce letter that I’m talking about right? You’re dead wrong, read the one below! LOL (more…)
Becoming a monk
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard . The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.
That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier. (more…)
Bruce Lee’s only a Human
No no, I’m not writing a thesis on who Bruce Lee is and all that… Just want to share this little comic strip while I’m partying away at FHM’s party.
Photos from the party will come soon. 
| 3.0 |
Some new Ah Beng jokes
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said, “My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610″
====================================
Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.
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Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
====================================
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I’ll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I’ll also stay with your sister.
====================================
Ah Beng : People consider me as a “GOD”
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again.
====================================
Ah Beng complained to the police: “Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.”
Police: “How the thief did not take TV?”
Ah Beng : “I was watching TV news…”
====================================
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying “Parking Fine”
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole “Thanks for complement.”
====================================
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
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Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
====================================
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says “Hello, how did you know I was here?”
====================================
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man – This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng – If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
====================================
Teacher: “I killed a person” convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is “u will go to jail”
====================================
Ah Beng told his servant: “Go and water the plants!”
Servant: “It’s already raining.”
Ah Beng : “So what? Take an umbrella and go.”
====================================
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not in the morning
Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM
| 3.0 |
Working Status
Does this happen to you? Every day of your working life?
Boss is not here：
Boss is calling：
In a meeting：
Is China ready for the Olympics?
Olympics is 8 days away, and the major question in everyone’s mind… IS CHINA READY FOR THE OLYMPICS?
Well, let’s look at some of the following photos to judge for yourself.
If this post offends anyone, well, it’s my blog and I post what I want. Got it? For the rest, hope you guys have a good laugh at those photos.
| 3.0 |
Joke with a Moral – The Knight & The Queen
Just thought I’d share this hamsap joke I got from a friend some time back.
Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts.
Nick the Dragon Slayer was obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King’s chief doctor.
Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen’s brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.
Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King quickly summoned Nick. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen’s voluptuous and
magnificent breasts.
The Queen’s itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn’t have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King, and with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King’s underwear.
The King immediately summoned Nick.
Moral of the story -
Keep One’s Promise …..
| 3.3 (1 person) |
Never mess with Children
The weather here in Genting was not as chilly as before but the atmosphere is already buzzing with the excitement of the MTV Asia Awards.
Anyway, just to keep the entertainment flowing, here’s some funnies.
7 reasons not to mess with children
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, ‘When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah’. The teacher asked, ‘What if Jonah went to hell?’ The little girl replied, ’Then you ask him’.
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, ‘I’m drawing God.’ The teacher paused and said, ’But no one knows what God looks like.’ Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, ‘They will in a minute.’
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to ’honour’ thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, ‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?’ Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, ‘Thou shall not kill.’ (more…)
Reason why people think Catholics are crazy
Sunday joke, if you can’t take it then leave immediately. TYVM.
- We like to keep Mass interesting. We sit, stand and kneel, in no particular order. Probably just to keep the blood flowing.
- It’s not merlot or syrah they’re serving; it’s the Flesh and Blood of Jesus. No, really.
- Forget a big meal afterwards, just pick up some of the breakfast tacos they’re always selling after Mass
- Purgatory.
- We all have 20 cousins. On each side of the family.
- Infant Baptism isn’t dumb; it’s after-life insurance.
- $5.00 in the collection basket is the epitome of generosity. Anything more than that, someone has hit the lottery.
- A missal is a book, not a weapon. However, it has been known to pull double duty.
- The signs we make aren’t just a mark of respect, they’re a lot of fun to do.
- Every Catholic Guy tries to sit next the really hot girl they like at Mass. This is because they really want to hug during “Peace Be With You” and hold hands for the “Our Father”
- We really like statues. A lot.
- After every confession, everyone hits themselves on the head. This is because they have realized that they forgot that really big sin, and they know that it’ll hang over their head til the next time.
- Contraceptives? Why?
- Altar boys continue well into their twenties.
- The 14 Stations has nothing to do with TV.
- “Peace Be With You” is just a way to meet pretty girls.
- We’ve always been taught that celibacy til marriage is the only way to go, forever and ever, amen. That being said…
- “Sin on Saturday. Pray on Sunday. Confess on Monday”.
- The Mass doesn’t start for a few minutes not because of tardy parisihioners. It’s because the priest is running late.
- The Virgin Mary is not a God and we don’t treat her as such. But she is without sin, gave birth to Jesus and did it without having sex. That warrants more than a little respect.
- 11:00 a.m. Mass means 11:15.
- We actually get all the jokes in Dogma.
- There are two very different, irreconcilable factions in every single church in the world. They are known as the Saturday or Sunday Mass bunch.
- Bake Sales are a way of life.
- Your knees are more calloused than your feet.
- Priests have been giving us alcohol since we were little kids. No wonder any one of us can drink Protestants under the table.
- Mass is nearly unchanged after almost 2000 years. We’re a little stubborn.
- Catholic School Girls.
- Whatever you gave up for Lent, you have it in your hands at 11:59 p.m. Saturday night, counting the seconds til midnight.
- You either love or hate the Stations of the Cross. There is no middle ground.
- We all know Da Vinci code is bogus and inaccurate. Yet we’ll still read it if nothing else is goin on.
- We have Midnight Mass so there are no interruptions on Christmas morning
- You’ve slipped out an Amen after the Pledge of Allegiance.
- Holy Water can kill just about anything. So Protestants are pretty much screwed if a vampire comes calling.
- There’s no way to explain it, but Catholic girls are just scorching hot.
- There’s no need for impromptu prayer; you can always fall back on the Rosary or the Our Father.
- It’s not uncommon for just one family to take up an entire pew or two.
- Confession. Enough said.
- When in doubt, say a Hail Mary.
- Whenever anyone in Star Wars saga says “May the Force Be With You”, we get the urge to say “And Also With You”
- If you see a guy leaning forward, looking half-dead with his head on the pew in front of him… he’s not praying. He’s hungover and was guilted into coming to Mass anyway.
- Even though you never met her or been to a country she’s been in, you’re still willing to have “seen” a miracle by Mother Teresa.
- We’re the oldest Christian religion. Period.
If you appreciated, chuckled or even smiled at some of these, you’re not a wacko. You’re just probably a member of the one of the oldest and largest religions in the world.
| 3.0 |
Christian Funnies
Got some of these images over the email. Just thought of sharing it here.
How do you know when a Christian is driving too fast?
Have a blessed weekend.
| 2.9 |
Broken English on Signboards in China
Received these images from an email about the english used in China. Good for laugh… not sure if these was done on purpose or that’s really how they spell those words.
