Naughty Thursday Jokes

Enjoy, have a good laugh but try not to scare your neighbour yah?

Q: Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!

Signboard outside a prostitute’s house:
Married MEN not allowed.. We serve the needy, not the greedy.

New AIDS awareness slogan:
Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.

Why is sex like shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today. tomorrow you’ll have to do it again.

Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.

Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.

Q: What is the difference between an UNDERWEAR & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the UNDERWEAR… it is SHOWTIME!

Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later

Advantages of having an affair with a married woman.
They give like hell.
They do not yell.
They do not tell.
They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!

My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise. Why? Because they would have eaten the dame snake instead of the bloody apple!

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People– What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don’t have to stop and think of which way to

turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$200.

People never stare at your chest when you’re

talking to them.

New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks..

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original colour.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes –

one colour for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Women are unpredictable.
Before marriage, she expects him.
After marriage, she suspects him
And after death, she respects him.

There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much
that he would go thru hell for her.
They got married – and now he is going thru hell.

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds : “Wife wanted”.
Next day, he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing : “You can have mine.”

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife. You can be sure of one thing: The car is new.

It’s easy to tell if a man is married or not.
Just watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him.
If both his hands are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.

A man received a letter from some kidnappers.
The letter said,”If you don’t promise to send us $100,000 I swear that we will kidnap your wife.”
The man wrote back, “I am afraid I can’t keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours.”

“What’s the matter, you look depressed.”
“I’m having trouble with my wife.”
“What happened?”
“She said she wasn’t going to speak to me for 30 days..”
“But that ought to make you happy.”
“It did, but today is the last day.”

When she is 18 – She is a football, 22 men going after her.
When she is 28 -She is a hockey ball, 8 men going after her.
When she is 38 -She is a golf ball, 1 man hitting on her.
When she is 48 -She is a ping pong ball, 2 men pushing to each other.

At 20 – A man is like a coconut, so much to offer, so little to give.
At 30 – He is like a durian, dangerous but delicious.
At 40 – He is like a watermelon, big, round and juicy.
At 50 – He is like a mandarin orange, the season comes once in a year.
At 60 – He is just like a raisin, dried out, wrinkles and cheap.

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