Finding myself…
A Semi-Emo Pictorial post. The past few days have been a huge turn of event, so to say in regards to my life and my relationship. Some of you great friends might already have known what it was all about. And I thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for bearing with me when I release all those pent up thoughts that need to finally go somewhere.
Since then, it was a time of reflection. A time that I really need to sit down and understand what I really truly want deep inside. Being a single dad to 2 monsters isn’t an easy thing to do. I thank my family for being there to lend a great big support to me when it comes to caring for the two kids and educating them. My dad especially since he is quite good with Chinese and he’s the one I turn to the most when it comes to making sure Gabriel wrote the right Chinese characters and understand it’s meaning. I can’t rely on myself cause the only Chinese characters I truly know is my own name and what’s written on the mahjong tiles.
And so, my journey begins… the search for what I truly want. I talked to friends, family members even Baskin (even though he kept thinking that I’m there to play with him and rub his belly). Still, conclusion has yet to be made. I know that one of the most important aspects is to work doubly hard for my two growing kids and also my retired parents. At the end of the day, what is most important to me is for my family to live without the worry of financial burden and just on living every day happy.
Smoking of course doesn’t help, well… initially when stress level was super high; I fall back into the ‘trap’ of the Marlboro and alcohol. Let’s face it, it does help release some tension and distract the mind. I won’t deny it but there’s also no denying on how it also affect one’s health. When the phone stopped ringing, the family all gone to bed. Nighttime is also a great time to really just sit back and think. The silence of the night clears one’s mind of all the distraction and just focus on the matters at hand. How to deal with it, when to deal with it, why it has to be done. It’s important, you know it, and I know it. It’s just a natural progression. Sometimes, a journey does need an ending. It might not be the best ending for everyone involved but it no matter what needs to end.
And when I don’t want to be so philosophical and just want to stop thinking totally, being alone, the best buddies I can only turn to is those that’s sitting there, ever ready to serve me. Of course, overconsumption is bad for health but at times, we just couldn’t help it but to continue. At first, you can say that this is just like one of those Chinese drama where the actor just sit back alone in the dark with a bottle at one side and a pack of ciggies on the other in a darken room feeling sorry for him/herself. Well, at first, I always thought that it’s all over dramatizing on the acting part to give the effect in the show. But heck, this actually is something that people do! What a shocker.
At the end of the day, what would be the conclusion? Well, I think I know what I have to do. But it’s just something that I don’t think is suitable to post here. Public Opinion of course would be nice on most cases but some stuff are better left kept inside and not put out in the open.
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