Where To Cross The Border?
If You Cross The North Korean Border Illegally
You get 12 years Hard Labour.
If You Cross The Iranian Border Illegally
You Are Detained Indefinitely.
If You Cross The Afghan Border Illegally,
You Get Shot.
If You Cross The Saudi Arabian Border Illegally
You Will Be Jailed.
If You Cross The Chinese Border Illegally
You May Never Be Heard Again. (more…)
Blind man : Good sense of smell
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, hands him a menu. “I’m sorry, Sir, but I am blind and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I’ll smell it and order from there.”
A little curious, the owner walks over to a dirty pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man’s table and hands it to him.
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. “Ah, yes, that’s what I’ll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes.”
“Unbelievable!” In the kitchen, the owner exclaims to his wife Theresa, who is also the cook, and tells her what has just happened.
A few days later the blind man returns, and the owner brings him a menu. “Sir, remember me? I’m the blind man.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you. I’ll go get you a dirty fork.” The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. (more…)
Cock Story
A farmer rears 25 young hens and 1 old cock.
As the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.
Old cock: “Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.”
Young cock: “What do you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should retire.”
Old cock: “Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can’t I help you with some?”
Young cock: “No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.”
Old cock: “In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win, you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.”
Young cock: “Ok! What kind of competition?” (more…)
Chinese New Year 2010 Celebration
The 2010’s Chinese New Year was slightly different compared to the previous few years. Different cause this would be the 1st year I am able to celebrate Chinese New Year with my kids and it’s also the year I have to rush between work, short holiday and work.
Even on the 1st day of the New Year, I had to spend a bit of time to do some work. It’s all good at the end anyway as we still manage to go through the customary visits to my Grandmother’s home in Gunung Rapat, lunch at my uncle’s place followed by more visitation to other relative’s place before completing the 1st day with a steamboat dinner with family and friends. Oh yeah, the mahjong and black jack session helps too. (more…)
Happy Chinese New Year & Happy Valentine’s Day
Wishing all you readers a Happy Chinese New Year and for all you love birds that gets to celebrate the auspicious day together. Happy Valentine’s Day
May your year of the Tiger be ever more prosperous and may your fortune be ever multiplying in this year and the many years to come.
We Are The World 2.0
Michael Jackson has since left us but the song he wrote with Lionel Ritchie is still going strong. Now, with an all new All Star cast. Here’s We Are The World 2.0 where all money received by the We Are The World Foundation is channeled off to the Haiti Relief.
Recorded on February 1st, 2010, in the same studio as the original 25 years earlier (Henson Recording Studios, formerly A&M Recording Studios) “We Are The World 25 For Haiti”, in which Jones and Richie serve as executive producers and producers, was created in collaboration with executive producers Wyclef Jean, Randy Phillips and Peter Tortorici; producers Humberto Gattica and RedOne; and co-producers Rickey Minor, Mervyn Warren and Patti Austin to benefit the Haitian earthquake relief efforts and the rebuilding of Haiti. (more…)
The Good Husband
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian” (more…)
R.I.P Compaqticon
My ever faithful notebook, the Compaqticon (i know, weird name to give a notebook) has finally departed.
It’s death is a tragic one. Conspiracy theorists (on MSN, Twitter and Facebook) has been running wild over how it died. Hopefully it’s brain where all the data is stored is still in one piece (i’ve yet to figure out how to extract them as windows XP and Mac won’t read NTFS format drive), if you have any suggestions, I will be very grateful.
Until the time comes for the data to be retrieved. I won’t be able to post up the photos (portraits, landscapes, products) to update my blog that I have lined-up but yet to upload.
Theory of Intelligence
‘Well you see, Norm, it’s like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.’
The Indon, The Bangla & The Malaysian
An Indonesian, a Bangladeshi and a Malaysian Chinese are in a bar celebrating the 2010 New Year having a beer. The Indonesian finishes his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He brags, “In Jakarta our glasses are so cheap that we don’t need to drink from the same one twice.”
The Bangladeshi is obviously impressed. When he finished his beer, he throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says, “In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don’t need to drink out of the same glass twice either.”
The Malaysian, cool as a cucumber, finishes his drink, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Indonesian and the Bangladeshi.
He says “Tiu Nia Ma! In KL we have so many Indons and Banglas that we don’t need to drink with the same ones twice.”
The Work Experience @ Vientiane, Laos
I know I don’t write much about my line of work/business and I prefer to keep it that way, after all, this site is about myself, not what I do to earn my keeps. But once in awhile, I do come across some stuff that I’d love to share even if it’s about my work.
For those that knew me, they’d have known the industry I’m in, for those that don’t know me, well, let’s just say that some think that I print money for a living. Anyway, what I’d like to share here is just a small part of my work experience while I was at Vientiane, Laos, covering the SEA Games that was held there. It was the first time this country is hosting a major sporting event, it’s my first time after a long while since I was involved in a job that spans many countries. It was truly an experience I’d remember. (more…)
The Love Dress
A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her son’s house.
She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
‘What are you doing?’ she asked.
‘I’m waiting for Justin to come home from work.’ The daughter-in-law answered.
‘But you’re naked!’ the mother-in-law exclaimed.
‘This is my love dress,’ the daughter-in-law explained.
‘Love dress? But you’re naked!’
‘Justin loves me to wear this dress,’ she explained.
‘Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours.’
The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
‘What are you doing?’ he asked.
‘This is my love dress,’ she whispered, sensually.
‘Needs ironing,’ he said, ‘What’s for dinner?’
I e-meow you, you e-meow me
Dear Ah Lian
Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find.
You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.
You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut to eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok.
Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.
Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.
I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me.. Goo bye…..
Worm regard,
Ah Beng
StrippedSteph’s Birthday Surprise @ Graze Restaurant
StrippedSteph’s birthday just passed and to myself, one of the best thing that I could pull off was the place to bring her for dinner to celebrate her birthday. She has been bugging (more like interrogate) me where I’m planning to bring her for dinner and my only answer to her was … “KFC”. That answer naturally get her pissed off but hey, who would want to tell the VIP where they have arranged for the dinner right? After all, that’s what we call SURPRISE! Right?
Anyway, the place of choice was this little restaurant known simply as Graze. Located at Rochester Park, it’s definitely a place she didn’t expect me to bring but the one thing that is priceless to me is her look when she saw the place when we stepped into the restaurant. (more…)
Hakuna Matata
Hakuna matata is a Swahili phrase that is literally translated as “There are no worries”.
and here’s a real life Timon and Pumba shot (photography wise) by a friend.
Work and all
Over the last couple of days, having worked with various people covering the formula 1. Most of them mention this of me.
1. I’m quite a quiet person but one with loads of energy waiting to explode especially when i’m getting ready for an assignment.
- I’m not really a quiet person, just one who would only have loads to say when it’s the right topic. (more…)
Slovak Sling: Politics at it’s finest.
A comedic re-enactment of how one politician tries to entice another to switch party allegiance as DVD pirates look on.
Good laugh. Art imitating life. LOL (more…)
Punjabi Mathematics
Punjabi woman says to her mother:
‘I’m divorcing Kuldip… all he wants is anal sex and my asshole is now the size of a 50 cent coin when it used to be the size of a 5 cent coin.’
Mother responds:
‘You’re married to a millionaire lawyer …
you live in an 8 bedroom mansion in Taman Tun….
you drive a Mercedes …
you get RM10,000 a week allowance …
you take 6 vacations a year …..
……….and you want to throw all that away for 45 cents?’
Pre-takeoff Announcement on a China Southern Airlines Flight
This is a true account of what was heard on a recent flight from Shenzhen to Qingtao by China Southern Airlines:
“Good afternoon, Ladies and the German.
This is your cheap purser Wang Lui speaking. On behalf of China Sudden Airlines, I would like to welcome you on board our Bowling 737 from Shenzhen to Qingtao.
Members of my crew speak Chinese and other languages that you do not know. It is a great pressure serving you to-die. (more…)
DEAF WIFE…..
A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
“Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.” (more…)
How Ah Lian performs at Interview
Ah Hua went for a job interview to be a secretary.
When the manager saw Ah Hua’s colorful attire and gold, white-highlighted hair, his mind is screaming, ‘NOT THIS WOMAN!!!’. so chekai, Nevertheless, he still had to interview Ah Hua.
So he told Ah Hua,’If you can form a sentence using the words that I give you, then I will give you a chance! The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE , PURPLE and BLACK.’
Ah Hua thought for a while and said, ‘I hear the phone GREEN , GREEN , GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW….. BLUE’s that? WHITE did you say?
Aiyah, wrong numberlah…..Don’t PURPLELY disturb people and don’t call BLACK, ok? Kum Siah.
The manager fainted….
Funny Tuesday
Sometimes, the best thing to do is to have a good laugh to keep you going throughout the day. Here’s something to laugh about.
To make it straight, she pulls it.
To make it stand, she rubs it.
To make it stiff, she put it in her mouth to work on it.
It is a hell of a job threading a needle!!!
A guy donated blood to his girlfriend. When they broke up, he wanted his blood back. The girl threw a bloody sanitary box at him at him and
said, ‘I’ll pay you in monthly installment.’ (more…)
A Swinging Birthday Party
Yup, that’s what it is, loads of swings happening there. It was a dull Saturday evening when Alan came by to pick me up to head towards Cheras. Here’s the deal, we went through all these small roads in Cheras only to go towards….. Bandar Sg. Long. Um.. bro, we could have just driven straight via the highway.
Anyway, it’s Charles of the Under Shop’s birthday and when you have a bunch of crazy monkeys getting together, only few things I can say, if you’re the neighbor, pack up your bags and go somewhere for the night cause you ain’t getting a peaceful sleep. If you know him and wasn’t there, you’ve missed out on all the fun. And if you were there… well, if you were there, you knew what happened. (more…)
My View on Internet Filtration by M’sia’s Government
I must say that the recent bashing our dear YB Rais Yatim is getting from the Internet community is surely giving his old body a few bruises here and there. If you’ve no idea what I’m talking about, I’m talking about the Internet filtration that the Government is mulling over. Yes, it’s similar to China’s abandoned “Green Dam” project, but then, we also have to look at it in the bigger picture.
Am I siding his decision? I would say no, what for? You can’t get into your favorite porn sites? Go through one of those proxy sites you could access to (I’ll post several links at the bottom of this post for you to use). You can’t access your favorite anti-establishment websites like RPK’s Malaysia-Today site/blog/portal because it’s bashing the government left right and center? Go ahead, use the proxy servers. After all, the government forgot that they even pen down the thing about No Censorship to the Internet, so why not, we as Internet users also go about working around the censorship? (more…)
